Friday, January 15, 2010

Mouse Patrol

I got a phone call at work today, with a frantic voice on the other end begging, “You’ve got to come home right now! I’ve got a mouse trapped under a bowl!”

As soon as I was able to control my hysterical laughter and dry my eyes, I inquired if the caller was serious. My wife (who, incidentally, is nicknamed Mouse) said she was “serious as all get-out” about the trapped mouse, but only half serious about needing me to come home immediately. When I suggested that she slide a piece of cardboard under the bowl and take the whole mess outside, she suggested that I might be crazy.

When I got home, I was firmly guided directly to the storage room in the basement, where I found a round, yellow Tupperware container, upside down on the floor, and a metal Christmas reindeer standing on top of it. One thing’s for sure, that mouse was not going to get away with that reindeer standing guard!

I assured her that it would not be a problem. I went upstairs to get a thin sheet of steel that I intended to slide under the bowl, effectively sealing the mouse inside. When I returned, my wife had emptied the floor of every box, basket, chair and bag, to give me all of the elbow room I could possibly want while I gained control of the little rodent. Joe Mauer could have made one of his famous swings, and not touched anything in that room!

I carefully slid the steel under the bowl, held the metal and container tight so the mouse couldn’t escape, and quickly placed him and his Tupperware prison in a grocery bag to take outside.

“What are you going to do with him?" my wife called out. "Don’t let him loose too close to the house,” she added. "He’ll come right back in.”

I said I would dispose of him.

“Don’t kill him.”

Now, I’m not squeamish about getting rid of a mouse, but when I opened the bag and found him looking up at me with those round black eyes, and one tiny pink foot stuck in a mousetrap, I just couldn’t do it.

Still, if I were to let him go in the yard, he would most assuredly find his way back into the basement, meet another mouse, have babies, meet more mice, have more babies... .

Sorry, Mickey. A night outside in the bottom of the garbage can, in your cozy grocery bag, is all I can offer you. You'll have to work out your next move with the trash collector.

Sleep tight!


Mike said...

Poor mouse, you could drive him down the road and drop him off......

RosieDo said...

Literally laughed so hard I almost cried!!! I can totally picture poor Pat against the big, scary mouse-- eeeeek!

Dana Leigh said...

Funny story! We caught 4 mice in our house earlier this fall when it started to get cold. We got 3 of them within 1 week. We get them every year. Last year Fuzzer thought he was a very good boy last year when he got one and brought it up on our bed during the middle of the night to show us how proud he was. We didn't discover it until the morning. Gross!