Monday, March 2, 2009

Attack of the Clones

I headed to the studio yesterday, intent on painting, but before long I was caught up in cleaning out some old files. Pat came in and asked, “Can’t Bill do that for you?” I laughed. We’ve often joked that I need a clone, an exact replica of me to assist in the daily routine, leaving time for Original Me to enjoy family and leisure time. Bill is my imaginary clone, named for the character I played the part of as a boy when my brother and I would occupy ourselves with a model railroad and miniature city, set up on a large table in a spare room. Bill Jackson (me) and his brother, Bob (my brother), were local businessmen in the make-believe world in which we lived.

Real World isn’t make-believe. My recent efforts to reorganize the studio and finish some paintings that I’ve started have led me to examine my daily priorities. I’m always challenged by the amount of time left in the day when I return home from the office, and how I spend those few precious hours is a daily decision I must make. You probably wrestle with that as well.

So, back to Bill. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if he were real? And, even better if he has co-workers?

Bill, my right-hand guy, will be given the assignment of going to work for me each day, carrying out my duties, running meetings, making decisions, and working long hours. He will enjoy his job and be good at it, but he will come home each evening exhausted. In return for his fine service, I will give him his evenings off.

Clone #2 will be my go-fer. I’ll call him Speedy. When art supplies are needed I’ll send him off with a list. Actually, as my clone, he won’t need one; he’ll instinctively know what I need! If, just before dinner, we discover that we’re out of milk, he’ll be the one to dash to the grocery store. Wal-Mart runs, Target visits, trips to the hardware store or to the auto parts junkyard – Speedy’s my man!

Rounding out the trio of clone helpers, #3, or Al, will take on the duties of home handyman. He will expertly handle all of the projects that I dislike doing or never seem to have time for – changing oil, fixing the exhaust, replacing siding, cutting grass and shoveling snow, repairing a leaky faucet – the list is endless!

With clones to do the work I’ll have time on my hands to read, go fishing, keep up on my blog writing, see an occasional movie, and paint. I will become a full-time creative machine, cranking out paintings left and right! My enlarged inventory of finished pieces will demand that I manufacture yet another clone, who I’ll send out to promote my art. He can travel all over the country visiting galleries, searching for the right venues for my work, and schmoozing with art buyers while I am at home, doing what I do best. I’ll name him Tiger, a name I’m sure will open doors that mine might not.

The thought of this is astounding! How amazing would it be to have someone – not just anyone, but someone who knows how I think, feel, and behave – to do all my bidding?

It’d be great, all right. Or would it?

If I’m not there and Bill is too tired to fill me in, I’ll never know what’s happening at work. Efficient completion of projects costs money; buying supplies ain’t cheap and Speedy may not be able to hold to a budget. Al might fall off a ladder and break his arm, causing my health insurance premium to skyrocket, and Tiger will eventually want a commission on any sales that he generates. It would be just my luck if the whole group joins together and forms a union – The Brotherhood of the Cloned Handymen (BOTCH).

Aaaarrrggghhh!!! Never mind…


John said...

Just as good as I expected!

Mike said...

Speedy looks like a hippie, or a forest dweller. Have you ever thought about trying to write some comics?

Tonia said...

You should have a clone that is named Dirty Work. He can do things like diet for you, go to jury duty, and pick up doggy-poo-poo. I see another possible hitch in this plan though: how will Pat be able to tell you all apart? Also, you would need to buy a couple sets of bunk-beds. :)

Auntie Fluffy said...

You forgot to mention your "clone" called "Uncle"...he has stepped to the plate as a guidance counselor, stand in father, moving company, psychologist, spiritual advisor, mentor and referee. "Uncle" never asked for the job, he never complains, always smiles and occasionally asks for an Advil! "Uncle" has to be a clone for no human could ever pull off what he has/does! Then of course brewing somewhere in the background of your clones is "Great Uncle"...Lord knows what he is capable of.. "Clones"...mmm, I'm not sure. In my opinion, I think its one human being with the capacity of love like few.